Call Me Maybe

Admittedly, their verses need some work, but overall, I'd have to say who wouldn't want to call these cuties!

The 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition

One of the realities of raising boys in this sex-crazed-soft-porn-is-acceptable little world is the difficultly that it is to protect the boys of having such images burned into their little brains at an early age.

 I remember reading a story somewhere or hearing advice once about a mom who avoided the check out lines with magazines to protect her children from the sexualization displayed on the covers, opting to have a battle over candy bars now rather than facing other more subliminally ingrained battles later.

I remember there was a time I took that advice to heart, but somewhere along the way I forgot it.

Until today.

Today ISH and I were on our regular Monday grocery run and, after scoping outing which line was the shortest, I pulled into lane 8. And what should be there as a last ditch effort for an impulse buy but this season's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

"Ugh!" I thought.  "Lord please protect my boys."

And as the words were going from my mind to the Father ISH says "Oh."

"Oh?" I replied

"Oh, that-" he said pointing to the SI cover.

"Oh :( " I thought

"-that is really inappropriate." ISH said with as much disdain as can come from a six-year-old lisp-y little mouth.

"Yes. It is." I said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Why do they want to put that on the cover?" ISH asked me.

"Because some men like her and some women want to be her and they think it's a good way to sell magazines."

"Well I don't."  (Lord keep this innocence about him)

"Me neither buddy." I said as I started to put my groceries on the checkout line belt feeling as though I had somehow avoided a storm.

"Now that-" he said with his eyes getting bigger, pointing the Food Network Magazine cover of a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese tart, "that's what they need to have on the cover.  That's what they need more of."

I giggled.

"Yes buddy, I agree."

 

The Closest I Ever Got to Mardi Gras

***Warning- I am unsure if my mother knows this story but I'm fairly certain the statute of limitations has run out on it. If I happen to be wrong- Mom, please forgive.***

The closest I ever got to Mardi Gras was my freshman year in college.  The Saturday before Mardi Gras my friend A (whose mother hated/hates me for all the crazy things I talked this small town girl into doing in the name of college freedom) and I decided it was perfectly reasonable (okay probably I decided and convinced A it was a good idea) that two 19-year-old girls could drive from Oklahoma City to New Orleans, sleep in their car (to save money of course-- see logical thinking here), and then attend the Mardi Gras festivities the following day.  We would be perfectly safe.

When we ran this idea by A's boyfriend at the time, he was less than impressed with our creative plan for fun.  He, who was the "chaperone" on my roommate's tattooing adventure down to Dallas, decided the plan would be much safer if he was there to at least sleep in the car with us.

Brilliant.  It was decided we would leave Monday morning.

Only then did we check the calendar to realize that Mardi Gras had been the week before.

The Lord protects the stupid that's for sure!

 

Clarification- I've Never Lived in Mexico

While riding in the car on the way home from Sonshine School is begins to divulge what he told the lady who drives the pick up van.

"I told her we use to live in Mexico." He said quite proud of himself.

"ISH! You can't tell people that." I replied

"Why not?"

"Well, for starters, it's not true."

He sat there looking a bit puzzled.  So I tried to explain a little better why this might become complicated in case the whole fiction-reality thing wasn't enough for him.

"What if one of the teachers comes to ask me why we lived in Mexico or what about this or that about Mexico. I wouldn't know what to say because we have never. live. in. Mexico."

"Oh don't worry about that." He assured me.  "I listened very well in my World Explorers class when we studied about Mexico. I told her all she'd ever need to know.  There won't be a need to ask you questions about anything."

Random Thought Thursday: Gifts

What time is it: 1007A

Where am I: standing at the kitchen counter, trying to fit a blog post in at least once this week

Last ate: Hmm... I think I ate breakfast. That or the Altoid is holding me over well. So let's go with breakfast

Listening to: the electricians in the dining room-- new dining room light goes up today!

Thoughts: ISH is a very thoughtful child. Should he choose to marry, he will certainly be a good catch one day.

 Why is this? He knows the way to a woman's heart is thoughtful gifts. He's forever brining me treasures from the outside to brighten my day.

"I brought you this leaf because it has some black on and and I know black is your favorite color."

So sweet.

However.... last night's gift left on my bedside table might need a Mulligan.

Thanks for the effort though little one.

RTT: Before I Get Old

What time is it: 1007p

Where am I: at kitchen table making my way towards bed-- trying to be better about getting up early means needing to equally be better at going to bed earlier.

Listening to: two fridges dueling it out-- need to move borrowed fridge out now that real fridge is here. REAL FRIDGE IS HERE!!!

Thoughts:
Geo has really been into the Diary of a Whimpy Kid Books so for Christmas we got him the Do-It-Yourself book.  Within the book there is a list of "Things You Should Do Before You Get Old."  I was pretty proud of the fact that I could check off many things on the list.  But one of them- one of them has alway alluded me.  Until tonight.

Tonight I win.  Tonight I made it through a whole lollipop without biting it.  And a toostie roll pop at that. Check!

Not As Cool As I Think I Am

Geo to me: Sometimes you say something to Daddy and you both laugh like Ha Ha Ha Ha. But what you said, it's really not funny.

Thanks buddy.

I'll Never ...

There's a well known fact within my family that if you say "I'll never ...." mark it on the calendar cause girl, it's sure to happen.  In fact, I had to very carefully word my hatred of the DFW airport and Dallas traffic when picking LK up there once on our way further south just to beat the system.  I believe I hedged my bets by saying "I'll really be upset if we ever move here," rather than stating "I'll never move to Dallas." Because, well I know what would happen if I said the latter (Texas here we'd come).

But after the last two weeks, I might have a new family saying to add to the list.

No one ever ....

When our first contract busted I began to pout and say "No one ever looks at a house this close to Christmas."  And four days later, we had three showings on the calendar.

After those showings with no offers, I buckled back down and stated as sure as fact "No one ever looks at houses the week between Christmas and New Year."  SEVEN showings later, my sure as fact statement was disproven.

Yes, but (I said after getting a few lower than expected offers) "no one ever buys a house in the middle of winter for what the house is really worth."  And yet, tonight we sit with three really good offers in hand and an all but a signed and finished contract.

Though honestly, after the last one, I don't believe I be exhaling until the names are signed at closing I'm marching my happy self out the door with keys to only one house.

But in the mean time, I'm pretty sure no one ever buries gold in their backyard before moving out of state and leaves said gold behind forgetting they ever had it. ... so I'm off to find a shovel.

Merry Christmas

From our house to yours

Genetics

As I'm replacing this and adding trying to make it gluten free for our first new house dinner guests, and I'm realizing I don't have this so I'll just add that .... I suddenly realize that ISH's Mayo Pickle Sandwich must be genetic.

Rewind to two weeks ago:
ISH: Can we make ZaFrank's tea sandwiches?
Me: What do you need to make it
ISH: Cucumbers
Me: I don't have cucumbers.
ISH: ... thinking.... thinking... But we have pickles.
Me: Hmmmm
ISH: And we need cream cheese.
Me: I don't have cream cheese.
ISH:  ... thinking.... thinking... But we have mayonnaise
Me: Ummmmmmm
ISH: And we need crustless white bread
Me: I don't have crustless white bread.
ISH: ... thinking.... thinking... But we have wheat rolls, right?

And so we made ZaFrank's cucumber, cream cheese, white bread tea sandwiches without the cucumbers, cream cheese or white bread.

Define: Acapella

I got a call this week from Acapella. They needed help getting to Jamaica for a concert in December and Uber Agent to the rescue.

So I call an airline to get some prices

Uber Agent: Yes, I need rates for a group of 12 going to Jamaica ... (details of trip, blah, blah, blah).

Airline Reservationist: Is the group for business or tourism?

UA: Well, it's an acapella singing group going to Jamaica for a concert. Would whether or not they're getting paid open up a special rate?

AR: No, we just try to keep track for our records. ... So a band ... will they need to purchase extra seats for all their instruments?

UA: Um... no... Their instruments will fit fine in the seats with them.

Random Thought Thursday: Oh Now! That's Just Silly!

What time is it: 956P

Where am I: kitchen table, back home again.

Listening to: the Curious George alarm clock tick. It just went off in the boys room and we had to remove it to keep it from going off again. Thankfully no boys awoke. When was it they found the batteries and put it back in that thing? My find better battery hiding place.

Last ate: Bagel bites (family game night tradition) and Lemon Pecan cookies

Thoughts: When Geo watches Curious George, I will occasionally hear him say out loud "Oh now that's just silly!" And it's at that point that I want to stop him and ask exactly what was it that warranted such a remark since obviously a man who wears only yellow living with his scientifically advanced monkey in a New York City apartment who is friends with a doorman's dog and a Italian chef's cat and who visits the country on the weekends where he races worm is quite normal.

And while we're on the subject, am I the only one who never caught the connection between The Man with the Yellow Hat and Ross from friends? It's so clear- works in a museum ... lives in NYC ... is socially awkward ... has a pet monkey ... why didn't I see it before!

Random Thought Thursday: On the Road

What time is it: 1127P

Where am I: Great Wolf Lodge hotel room

Listening to: the people next to me (very clear the money put into this hotel was put into the amazing water park and not into soundproofing the walls/ceiling/floors)

Last ate: Spicy Dungeness crab legs from Joe's Crab Shack-- SEA forever altered my taste buds -- wish I had had the camera on when Dr_EAM was introducing the boys to crawfish. They were awed and terrified simultaneously.

Thoughts: This hotel lists "wireless" high speed internet access available in their hotel information guide. But I think it should list wireless "high speed" internet access because I know I'm wireless, the high speed part is up for debate. I've been very bad about posting my foodie friday information this month. It's not that we haven't been eating- just more that Fridays have seemed to end this month before they begin. With the rate of upload speeds here I'm sure it will be happening tomorrow either.  Forgive?

I'm on the road spending time with mom which is always nice and this time we're even managing to get to bed before 2am (so far). It's been so fun to watch the boys play at the water park and watch them work up the courage to ride the bigger slides and after the first round to declare "let's go again!" It's also been nice to spend some time with Dr_EAM and his lovely wife who's belly has just started to pop in a very cute way.

And, it's been fun to watch the male lifeguards this week too. It's cheer camp at the old lodge and there is a drastic difference between the stance and swagger of the guards before the girls get out of the clinic at 2pm and after. I try not to laugh.

And my dear friends, I leave you with this-

Girl in line at the top of the highest slide to Geo: Are you scared of heights?

Geo: I don't think so ... what do they look like?

Bu-dum-cha!

Effects of Living in a Cashless House

LK: boys, you've been very good today. I would like to get you a treat. So would you like to have a reeces peanut buttercup or cookie dough blizzard to share?

Geo: cookie dough

ISH: reeces!

Me (taking my cue from a recent Arthur episode): how about we flip for it. Geo, do you want heads or tails?

--moments pass as we explain to the boys what change is and what heads of a coin is verses tails --

Geo: heads

ISH: tails!

Me: um ... LK? ... Do you have any change?

Listening to the Devil

ISH stops suddenly while singing Knock Knock Knock, I hear Jesus Knocking and asks "Mommy do you ever hear the debil (aka devil) knocking?

Me: Sometimes, but when that happens I like to sing songs like "Be careful little hands what you do" to remind me that I need to choose to do good things, things that make Jesus happy.

ISH: Well when the debil knocks, I'll tell him to go away, that I don't want hear him ... Or maybe I'll listen to him a little bit but then I'll tell him to go away ... or maybe I'll listen to everything he says and then I'll tell him to go away .... or maybe

Yes ISH, that's normally how it works, isn't it.

God knows

This morning as I was getting ISH in the car to take him to SonShine school I remember putting my coffee mug on the roof of my car. And I remember thinking to myself in passing as I buckled in my child:

I wonder if I left this mug up here if it would slide off and smash my windshield 

but then correcting myself by thinking

why would I do that?! This is my favorite KaliKosmos Travel mug that my sweet LK had made for me. And that's my only windshield. And further more, that mug contains the caffeine goodness that is going to get me through the day. Best to not leave it on the roof of my car.*

But this was the view I saw when I got out of the car to unbuckle ISH once I arrived as SonShine school

(no wonder that mom was looking at me so strangely when I was pulling in)

"ISH!" I said. "You have to come see what's on the top of mommy's car!"

"Oh!" ISH said. "It's your coffee."

"I know," I replied. "I have no idea how it stayed up there from the house to church. That's so crazy!"

ISH thought for a minute and then replied "I think God held it up there."

"Oh?" I responded

"Yes." ISH said confidently. "He knows how much you need your coffee."



*yes, I do talk like this to myself frequently. I'm okay with it, you should be too.

Spring Now?

A few weeks ago I declared Spring. Now! Which worked great ... until we had the weekend snow storm.  Well in case you were wondering - I stuck to my guns, showed Mother Nature who was boss, and wore a tank top despite the weather! (Wore it underneath my long sleeve shirt, sweater and coat- but details details right?)

At least for now it looks like spring is back in the air.

A moment of honesty before we begin our new relationship

When I look at you doubtful that you will be here long, it's not that you've let me down, but it's more the-woman-before-me complex those before you have given me.

There was the first, the one shortly after I moved to Memphis, the one that left one year into our relationship, suddenly, and with a large cloud of smoke trailing behind.

I was left in shock after that, unsure of where to go from there, until I was introduced to the second-- shiny and flashy and powerful, but that one didn't like my dog or it's hair and left soon after coming.

Then there was the third- the one with the long hose that did the job better than any that had come before it. But something went wrong with that relationship that I cannot explain.  Maybe it was my fault, maybe it wasn't.  But there was just a sense of no longer being interested in working on the relationship with me, and all I was left with was that hose.

And then there was the promised land. I heard others speak about it in hushed and reverent tones using word like "the best" and "without fault." But it was a delicate type and needed more attention than I could give and liked being at the shop for work more than with me. That kind of lack of commitment just couldn't work for me.

And now there's you. They say you'll be committed to working with me no matter what.  They say you'll never lose the spark that is vital to our relationship. I hope they're right. But there's doubt- a five relationships in eights years kind of doubt- that keeps me from fully believing them.

I just thought, like John Cusack in Must Love Dogs, that we'll never have this chance to be more transparent with each other than in this moment, and I thought you should know.

Sincerely hoping you live up to my expectations,

The Unknown Sock

While folding laundry I discovered a sock I had never seen before. A sock completely foreign to my house.

Missing socks are no new mystery. I know that Erma Bombeck had a theory or two of her own about socks. And, well, then that's Arthur episode about the Sock Exchange. And I have often thought my washing machine just simply ate the socks, but I never though that it might not be eating them but more transporting them to someone else's washing machine.

I mean, this opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Maybe the four socks that are continually without a mate, were never really mine to begin with. Maybe they are yours, transported here from your washer to mine.  Maybe our washing machines are portals to other places.  Like a breach in the space time continuum of laundry.

This makes my previous solution for mismatched socks of just throwing them back in the hamper for another round of washing, actually a good idea (despite what LK thinks). It just might be in one of these washing that they end up back in their original home.

So here's the deal, here are the socks most recently mismatched. If they belong to you, please let me know. I'd be happy to try and program the portal and have my washing machine send them back your way.

With much thanks,

The future is riding in my backseat

And sometimes, that's a scary thought.

Take yesterday for instance the conversation overheard on the way home from school:

Geo: Let's play the rhyming game
ISH: Okay, we
Geo: Pee
both: hu! huhu! huhuhu!
Geo: Soup
ISH: Poop
both: hu! huhu! huhuhu!
Me: ugh!

And then there's today's conversation as they rode home with happy present snacks from the bakery:
Geo: I prefer the shortbread to the double chocolate cookie
ISH: No, the sweet dream cookie has a nice taste. More sugar, and (smack smack) a bit of honey.
Geo after taking a bite of the sweet dream cookie: Yes, I agree, this has the best flavor of all.

So it's clear I am either raising:

Bevis and Butthead

 

or

Frasier and Niles

and both prospects are a little frightening.