Lent

And for those of you who, like me, were raised in certain faith heritages, I don't mean the stuff I sometimes forget to clean out of the dryer between loads.

 Lent.

Previously, if you asked me what I know about Lent I could tell you two things:
1. It's not something "we" (aka those in my faith heritage) really do
2. The only person I've really ever known to even talk about Lent was a friend of mine in high school.  Very tongue-and-cheek she would look at me every year (as if the joke was a new one each time) and say "This year for Lent I'm giving up sex."  She thought this was a pretty clever statement since it sounded good and, since she was not sexually active, it was pretty easy to achieve.

But this year, I feel like Lent is calling my name.

Last week, Friday, in the school office someone mentioned how her blood sugar test would be easier because she was giving up chocolate for Lent.  I kind of chuckled inside, I might not know much about Lent but I'm pretty sure that's not exactly what it's about.  But a thought started pestering me- how about you, what you are giving up?

I tried to reason with this thought and tell it that we don't really do Lent.  So as far as I was concerned I wasn't giving up anything.  Instead I questioned back- I mean really, what is the purpose of it all anyway?

And then I started realizing how I normally just slide into Easter every year, not really feeling like it's any other Sunday (other than all the kids in cute outfits).  And that for me, it's always seemed to be more about baskets, egg hunts, and chocolate.  And not really about celebrating the day that would forever change the world- the day Christ rose.

So I said okay to the thought- Okay. You show me where I need to work, where God can take something away for 40 days and help me grow and I'll do it.  I mean I don't smoke, drink, cuss, or eat too much so on the basic lenten resolutions I'm good.  And I don't want to be like my high school friend and "give up" that which doesn't really matter.  So I told the thought to show me and God can have it.  Whether I come from a faith heritage of lent-followers or not, he can have it.

Now you would think.  You'd think! That I would stop drawing lines for God.  You'd think after all those times I've told God if he can do _________ I'll do ________ . All the times I've found myself doing what I didn't think would have to be followed through on, you'd think I would know that if I open that door- I'm going to have go through it.

But maybe I knew- maybe I knew if I drew the line, I'd be shown something.  Maybe that's okay with me because maybe I'm coming to see why participating in Lent isn't just something other sects of faith do.  Maybe it's something I should do too. 

Let's think through this-- Most Christians celebrate Christmas.  You may differ on whether you tell you kids about Santa or whether you really even do a gift exchange.  But even some of the more conservation fundamentalists I know have said they celebrate Christmas as a time to honor the day Jesus Christ was born not because it's historically accurate, not because we know that Christ was born on December 25, but because if the rest of the world is going to slow down and celebrate his birth- acknowledge his importance, they can too.

So then, why not Lent?  I know Lent itself, like December 25, isn't in the Bible but the Passover can be exactly pinned down and thus so can the death of Christ.  And if you can count to three, then you can the day he rose. 

And if you're a person of faith, and you believe the Bible, you can believe what Luke says, how he tells us Christ going to Jerusalem wasn't a happenstance.  He didn't wake up one morning and think "yup, yup, good day to die.  So let's do this thing."  No, Luke tells us he resolutely turned to Jerusalem.

And yet, most Easter Sundays I wake up with more of a "let's do this thing" mentality than one who has resolutely prepared herself for being there.

And yes, I should be doing that every week- working towards resolutely being there every Sunday. (I mean I'm there Sunday mornings but I mean really being there.)  But like Christmas- I know I need to celebrate the fact that God came in flesh everyday  I just don't.  I get busy.  I run around doing and being and trying to serve God where I am as I am, but I'm not always celebrating his birth as actively as I do in December.  Because in December everything starts to revolve around Christ's birth and it's easier for me to remember (all those little babies and managers and Gloria around make it easier).

So why not slow down now.  In this lenten season.  When so many believers are turning towards Jerusalem, preparing to, in their own way, prepare for Easter- Why not stop and see where I can pair down as well.  How can I best demonstrate my resolution to die to my will and follow God's?

Not even three days after I overheard the office worker, two days after I decided that if there was something I'd do it, I was at the grocery store and I was shown.  I was shown something I do every day.  EVERY. DAY.  That in its own little way puts my trust in me over God.  Not like salvation trust, I know I can't save myself.  But the trust that I can control what people think of me- how they see me.  How much they like me.  Control how I can still feel good about myself even if they don't like me.  Every day I wake up and take my identity in my hands and control it.

Now, unlike something that could harm my body, my temple, I don't think God is sad that I do this every day.  It doesn't harm my body and in fact I like to think he rather enjoys the creativity this action brings.  I think God likes seeing the creativity (after all, he's pretty creative himself).

But I do think what isn't right is how I hang my identity on it.  How I feel that this, other than finding my identity as a child of God, is how I see who I am- how I base who I am (and truth be told, how I compare myself to others).

And so, as someone who have never ever looked at Lent as something I would ever be a part of, I'm in it.  I'm here, lenting myself if you will.  Not because I think God needs this from me, but because I need to learn something about more about God more about how he sees me.
 

Thoughts from Genesis 1 - 3

Genesis 1
V 2- Sometimes my life seems formless but I must remember, even in the moment of darkness and formless waiting- the Spirit is moving around me and great things are bound to begin in due time. Wait for it! Creation did not rush the Creator- it waited in the void for him to call it forth. It waited to be made just as he wanted it, in the order he wanted it.

V 16- Like the moon and the sun, women and men- one lesser and one greater- both still are vitally important. And the moon, while "lesser" controls the tides, which control so many other events. While "lesser" the moon is no less powerful when acting in its God-given roll.

Genesis 2
V 3 I need to do a better job at taking a sabbath rest.

V5 God had not allowed rain because there was no man to cultivate the ground. All in God's time. All in God's way.

V18 God sees man should not be alone but only after man names all the animals- all! of them. Only after man sees the animals having the companionship he doesn't, only then does God give his what he needs. (see Donald Miller lecture in OKC circa 2009).

V25 when I am where God wants me to be, when I find my confidence and my worth by looking only in to Him- when I see myself as a beautiful creature He made and loved, then my insecurities have no power over me.

Genesis 3
V6: Was Adam with Eve in the garden when she was tempted? Did she turn to him and give it to him? Or did she go and find him to give it? Either way- shows the importance of the husband helping the wife learn what is best- God gave the instructions to Adam--- did he not pass this on to her?

V16 It is part of the curse of Eve that I will want to control my husband, but just like the pain of childbirth- the pain that comes emotionally from wanting to control him and not doing it is expected. And like childbirth, with proper self control, this pain, this desire to control him, can be managed.

In The Beginning

It's 2012. January 1 of 2012 to be precise. It's the time when people wake up and think of new beginnings and all the things they promise to do differently next time.

I'm not sure why people need to make resolutions on January 1- but I do know the gym will be much busier with all the new resolutioners... for at least a month.

I guess that's why I'm not one who's much for resolutions-- they are almost always broken.

And there is such an expectation for them to be made in the first place. Jan 1- must resolve something. And if there is one thing you should know about me from the onset it's that I have the complete and total inability to do what I feel I must do. (This is the same reason I can't bring myself to follow The Pioneer Women-- no offense to her but everyone's "oh you'd looooove her. Really- you should." And it makes me not be able to do it. I'm sure this offense her greatly. Comply- who? she'd say.)

So no resolutions. No me saying flat out here is what will or won't be done this year. After all, on any given day I could have a child placed with us and then all those thoughts of what I will or I won't in 2012 will likely be out the window or at the very least forgotten from being thrown back in to the world of sleepless nights.

Instead, I give you my list of things I'd like to see what this year or for some of them, things I'm beginning to think I might want to do this year.

1. Continuing running. Me running comes as a huge shock to anyone who knew me before 2011.  I use to say I would only run if someone was chasing me with a knife.  And it had to be a knife because if they had a gun I might run and then they'd shoot me and so it'd be all for not.  But in 2011 I started running.  First to try and encourage the teenager who was living with us to a healthier lifestyle but I continued running when Geo decided he wanted to run a 5k in April.  As the mother of boys, I need know it will be important that we have something we can connect through as each year he gets a little older.  At his pace the 5k will take 40 minutes.  This month we'll be up to running 25 minutes.  Running is still difficult for me in that I normally don't want to go out and do it.  I have to make myself do it.  But as Geo said in our last run of 2011, "It's always hard when we start, but by the end, it's so much easier."  Good life lesson Geo.
2. Figure out my new sewing machine.  When my grandmother passed away in October, I got her Bernina sewing machine.  And on Pinterest I've found lots of lovely sewing projects.  I want to actually do them this year and not just pin them for some day (though some of the kids clothes will have to wait until we know what gender is coming our way).
3. Play the guitar more. I just flat didn't make time for that in 2011.  I'd like to change that in 2012.
4. Grow out my hair again. (This is the one I'm only beginning to think I might want to consider doing) This is probably a pretty funny thing to say from someone who shaved her head by mistake this summer.  But I've had short hair for 5 years running now and that's a long time for me to do anything the same. (I can't even keep my furniture in the same room for 1/5 that time).  The last time I grew it out was to donate it and maybe that's where I'll go with this again.  And maybe I won't grow it out at all.  What do you think- to grow out? Or not to grow out?
5. Read the Bible. I was raised in a Christ-centered family and have attended church my whole life (minus a few less than wonderful years in college).  This has been a true, full-on resolution in years past and true to resolutions, I've never done it.  But I think it's pretty pathetic that someone who has been in a faith community for as long as I have has not read the Bible all the way through (even the slow parts like Leviticus and the Chronicles).  I used the Blue Letter Bible app this morning and it let's you save notes from the read.  I might post them here- not because I'm a Biblical scholar and what I think will change the world.  But posting what I think may firstly keep me more accountable to following through (ugh- "accountable" stated on January 1- that sounds like a real resolution doesn't it.) and secondly- I'm interested to know what you think on the notes.  Interested in guidance from others and your thoughts as I work my way through book by book.

So there they are.  Five things to aim for this year.  Four and 1/4 if you take my whole hair growing thing to it's proper place in importance.  Pretty manageable it seems. And there are a few personal ones not listed.  If you'd like to know them, you'll have to call me up for coffee.

So what about you- are you a resolutioner?  Do you have any for 2012?

Or are you a bit more like me- no resolutions, just "aims" of where to head.  Where are you heading in 2012?

Heal Thy Self

I once sat with a friend as she, in complete frustration, was discussing her ministry. She told me how this was the ministry she felt God was leading her to do. She knew in her heart that this was where she needed to be. She told me she had prayed and how she had asked other to pray that God show her how to go. And yet... it seemed like every door closed in her face as she tried year after year to make her way down the road she thought she was suppose to be on.

Tired and confused she asked me- if this is where she's suppose to be, why isn't anything working.

I just sat there unable to say the thoughts that were really in my mind. Unable to look her in the face and tell her that maybe if you've prayed for guidance and asked others to pray for you so you can have wisdom in the decision as well and it's all that difficult, maybe you're not really suppose to be on this road. Maybe these road blocks are here for a reason.

I don't mean that it's time to give up at the first sign of rough roads ahead, or the first time there's a bump. But I wanted to tell her maybe the road blocks are there to answer her request for guidance.  To answer her question of how to go about it.  Maybe the road blocks are telling her where to go and she doesn't want to listen.

Maybe this time, I'm guilty of the same thing.

This Time Last Year

This time last year I was way better at blogging then I am now. But then this last year wasn't exactly what I had expected it to be. ... But I guess to understand what I expected from 2011, you have to understand 2010.

The beginning of 2010 found me in a "me" period. While I was still working and growing my business, and while I was still a full time mom and wife and involved in church ministries, the beginning of 2010 came with lots of extra time. Maybe it was that I had reached that lovely age with my children where they could get Pop Tarts on Saturday and hang out with cartoons by themselves, that age where they could dress themselves and help out around the house -- leaving a little more time for me each day.

Or maybe it was like a mentor of mine once told me that these times are gifts from God- periods of peace that he gives us before "it" comes. And while we can't ever know what "it" will be- she once encouraged me to use these times and enjoy the gift.

And so I started to learn guitar. I began taking classes in aerial silks. I started cooking more and hosting more friends in our home. I spent two weeks traveling in South East Asia … It was an enjoyable time of peace.

But while talking with my dad one day he said the words that would forever change it all. He said he was glad I was having all this time on my hands and glad that I'm enjoying it. After all, he is a strong believer that God wants us to enjoy what he give us. But then he encouraged me to ask God if perhaps there is more he would also like me to be doing with this time.

And so I did.

And soon God began to stir within me the desire to have more children in my life. But strangely, he didn't simultaneously stir the desire for them to be biologically mine. This desire for children clearly came with a lack of wanting to carry or deliver anything.

In June we sat in church holding a friend's one year old little girl. And from out of nowhere, I commented to LK, "well, you know, we could always adopt." With this comment, this one little phrase, a deeper conversation began between LK and me. Would we not take a child if someone left it on our door? Yes! And in that we realized there hundreds children waiting to be taken- they just don't know where our door is.

Within a week we were on the phone with Christian Services. We decided that perhaps jumping head first into adoption might be a bit much, but fostering, and interim fostering- the people who care for babies that are in the phase of no longer being with their biological family but not yet with their forever family- that would be the best way to test the waters.

Then a foster family told us that their foster child would soon be available for adoption and that because the child was going to have to be placed with a sibling, they could not do it.  Yet again, another phrase that lead to 500 conversations.  Could our home be the place for them? 

These conversations led us to put our house, the house we deeply loved (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) but that would not hold two more children, on the market and move in to a house that would better suit the growing family we felt we could soon have.

The entire process with these children was a difficult situation and our lack of having any say in anything that happened stirred up within me the need for control I thought I had conquered.  And one day in August as I was ranting to God asking why on earth would he put this desire in my heart only to have me not get to do ANY OF IT!  I felt him call me to a time with him.

I can't explain it in words that don't sound like some crazy out of body experience- but I know, in that moment, the God who Sees, was asking me to ask him- seek him.  And so on August 3 I committed to the Lord to have 40 days of prayer with him.  To wake up early and spend 30 minutes in the morning seeking him and asking for his direction.

There were several stops and starts.  Surely God would understand that I am tired, that I am traveling, that I was up late with a sick kids, etc. Surely he's okay with me sleeping in today.

November 1, 2010 the gloves came off and I decided for real this time- no excuses- I needed to carry out my commitment to the Lord.  And so for 40 days I got up early and spent time with the Lord.  Asking him to show me what he see for me this all of this.   I began with a study of Ecclesiastes then Proverbs, and ending my 40 days in Job, asking that I can know the Lord, and be known by him.

As I ended my 40 days we had moved into a new house, but still had the old one and the sale of it was quickly falling apart.  Four days after I ended it the contract fell apart.  And we were left with two house, 10 days before Christmas.  One staged with all of our furniture and the other with card tables and blow up mattresses.

Twelve days after I finished my 40 days, I received an email about a teenage girl who had no where to go and said the one thing she wanted in life was to have a family.

LK looked at me and said- we need to do this.

We were certified interim-foster-parents but no children had been in need yet.  And while our heart was still pulling towards the sibling pair, that situation wasn't moving at all.  And so we made the call- and learned that if she could come, it would at the end of January.

As we learned more, I began to pray.  I first began to pray that God help our house sell.  I told the Lord I can't have DHS come into a home with no furniture and try to convince them this is a suitable place for anyone to live.

Our house went back on the market right before Christmas, the time when no one looks at let alone buys a house.  Between Christmas and New Year we had one showing if not more almost every day and the Monday after New Years we had three offers on the table all eager to have our house.  In a down market, in the winter the Lord delivered full price, no closing costs and close at the end of the month.  He had kept his end of the bargain and now it was my turn to keep mine.  And so my prayers became:

"Lord! We may have a [teenager] come to live with us.  Be with her.  Thank you Father for all the situations in my life that you have given me up to know that have me fully capable to minister to someone like her.  Be with her and bless her."

"Lord, I see clearly how all that happened before can be of good use now.  In ALL THINGS.  Thank you for times of trial.  Thank you for redeeming me when I've fallen so I can show the same love and redemption to another."

Our furniture arrived January 26.  C moved in January 28.  And through God's power she was baptized on March 23.  Fully becoming a member of the family of God.
 
And I would love to stop here and tell you everything since then has been wonderful.  But that's not life.

Throughout the remainder of 2011 we pushed for the siblings only loose them over the summer... as if they were ever really ours.

And in September, C moved out- deciding she no longer wanted the life we were offering.

It felt confusing and sad.

But I believe God had us in the lives of the sibling set in a way that is hard to explain in a venue like this.  But trust me, things happened, God and moved.  And while we showed up thinking we knew how God was moving-- he ... well to quote a good friend of mine... he said "Gee.  Thanks for showing up.  Now, let me try to explain what I'm really trying to do here."

And I believe that God sees C.  That he has his spirit in her life now and if she was with us for no other reason than that, I am thankful for the role we could play.  And I know he is still interweaving her story in with others.  I know he is there for her, should she want to accept that.

The day C moved out we received a call about a two-year-old girl who needed a foster home.

C being with us allowed us to move quickly into full on DHS foster care and so, C moved out on Friday and A moved in on Saturday.

She stayed for four days when DHS called and said she was moving to a kinship home and oh by the way could be take a six-day-old.  S moved in as they were picking A up.

S lived with us two and a half days before moving on to her kinship home.  (And on my but that is a blog post in itself.  God was so visibly at work there and it was beautiful).

We had what ISH would call "our four-person family" from Saturday to Tuesday and then R (age 4) and J (13 months) moved in.

From there the months blur- by Friday my grandmother was dying and within 10 days of R and J coming, we had closed our home to DHS and R and J were being placed elsewhere so that I could be with my family following my grandmother's passing.

I know- it doesn't make sense and believe me it didn't really then either.  But it- them being with us- foster care- all of it.  It wasn't right.  In a way I couldn't put my finger on at the time, but it. just. wasn't. right.

Again I stood there confused.  What did God want from me?  I asked him what he wanted me to be doing with all of this time and I felt the call of more children.  I felt the call that my family wasn't yet "done."  And there was interim care... but that wasn't the answer.  And there were the siblings... but that wasn't the answer.  And there was C... but that wasn't the answer.  And there was DHS foster care... but that didn't seem like answer either.  And now 18 months removed from that prayer I was more upside down in what I was "suppose" to be doing than ever before.

I tried to make myself want to get pregnant.  That would be the easiest answer (well easy in one sense at least).  But, well to keep from getting to medical, let's just say that in 2009 certain steps were taken to make that not really something that could just "happen" like it had with the boys, and when I thought about having to undo that.  And when I thought about being pregnant and giving birth and the biological aspect of it all... I just really didn't want to be pregnant.

And so by the end of October I looked at my dad and said- I don't get it.  I prayed and I feel lost.  I feel like I am in a fog.

"Ah" he said.  "Maybe that's where God wanted you.  Maybe now he can lead."

And so one year later and several hundred blogs short of 2010, I can't really say where the next year is going.  In some ways I feel like I'm seeing some sort of a path through the fog.  In some ways it seems like the path of formal adoption is opening for us-- but so much of that remains out of our control.

And maybe being "out of my control" is just where God wants me to be.

365

We're somewhere outside of Dallas. Somewhere that 365 days ago I was researching beds so I could redo our master bedroom when I got back home. 

365 days.   It doesn't seem very long ago. And yet ...

365 days ago I never thought I would have that bed in a completely different house. 

365 days ago I never would have thought I would have a daughter (and a teenage one at that!). 

365 days ago some very important people in my life were completely unknown. 

The journey of how I got from there to here began as whispers three months before, but 372 days ago there was a vital turning point- propelling those whispers into a full speed freight train. And 365 days ago I had no idea how one little comment made one week later would completely change the face of my family. 

RTT: Mercy

At least I think it's Thursday.  It's been almost 2 weeks that kids have more or less been out of school and church has been canceled due to Snowklahoma that I can't really remember what day it is now.

What time is it: 851A

Where am I: in the lovely light-filled dining room that is now complete with FURNITURE!

Listening to: Johnny Test on the TV in the living room and Isa's toenails tapping on the window sill as she nervously surveys the comings and goings of squirrels.

Thoughts: We're settling in here with our new family dynamics, though we thought that two weeks in we'd have more school under our belt (than ZERO days) and a bit more of a routine together. However, C reminded me the other day that everything happens for a reason. And I think she's right because some good learning moments for all have come from hours upon hours of forced togetherness.

I'm immensely grateful to all of you who have texted, emailed, and called to give words of encouragement.  I cannot express how much that has meant to me.

We watched the Blind Side last night, C, LK and myself. It was everything I could do to not boo hoo my way through that one. Especially now.

I drove past a church on Tuesday whose sign read:

Blessed are the merciful for they shall be shown mercy

And I smiled.  But it wasn't so much because I think that through my actions here I will be racking up some extra karma for the times when I'm unbearable.  And while I believe in some very real ways we will be shown mercy through some of what we're doing here, I think the main point of this is that because I have been shown mercy, I can't not be merciful.

C asked me once why we're doing this.  Why her, why now.

"Because I have God that has redeemed me, picked me up, and given me second chances," I said.

In other words, because I've been shown mercy.

Define: Emanate

Any minute now life will change for us in some very real ways.  It's not that I mean to be cryptic, it's just something I don't think I can openly talk through here, but let's just say the lyrics to a particular Wayne Watson song keep going through my head.

Or to say it another .... well follow me for a minute ...

I traveled a lot in college.  Some would say I traveled college. Period.  At graduation my dad said they should have given me an award for the graduate having spent the least amount of time on campus during her 4 year college career.  Because I traveled so much (and a few other factors) I graduated with a BS in Liberal Studies (pause here for appropriate BS and Liberal Studies jokes.... done now Dad?).  My degree was in world religion, multimedia, and English (and travel), but through my work in PR and six years as a travel agent I would joke that my degree was pretty well worthless for my chosen career.  I felt like I had chosen travel over getting real a degree that I could actually apply in my daily life.

Then in the fall of 2008 I sat in my living room having completed my online training portal for my agents to use complete with 21 video lessons and interactive training questions.  It required English, multimedia, and all my travel knowledge to get there.  It was a moment where I felt like taking off my shoes and marveling at the way God had orchestrated everything throughout my life up to that point that I would need to experience that very moment.

Today I'm at my kitchen table- looking at the layout of my new house, looking at the blessings God has given me, at the relationships He has brought into my life at just the right time to give me strength, encouragement and useful tools for this exact moment (and all of the hundreds to follow).

The phone rings ... they're on their way.

Prayer Walk

We're less than 12 hours from the new carpet coming to New House and the over-the-carpet-painting-areas are all done (huge relief!!!).  So tonight I combined the prayer walk idea from Brazil with the draw on the floor idea my mom let us do back when their house was under construction.

We went around to the carpeted rooms with the boys and our Bible, read verses that were related to the activities we anticipate for the rooms, wrote the scripture reference on the floor, and then prayed over the room.

In the pantry area we read:

Taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the man who goes to him for safety.

and talked about how blessed we are for the food God gives us.

In my office we read:

Sometimes God gives a man wealth and possessions. He makes it possible for him to enjoy them. He helps him accept the life he has given him. He helps him to be happy in his work. All of those things are gifts from God.

and prayed for my work, my clients, and thanking God that I have a job I enjoy doing.

In the living room we read:

Don't forget to welcome strangers. By doing that, some people have welcomed angels without knowing it.

and talked about how we look forward to having Qgroups, friends, family, neighbors, and more over to our new home.

In the master bed we read:

Here is what Israel should say, suppose the Lord had not been on our side. Suppose the Lord had not been on our side when our enemies attacked us. Suppose he had not been on our side when their anger blazed out against us. Then they would have swallowed us alive. They would have been like a flood that drowned us. They would have swept over us like a rushing river. They would have washed us away like a swollen stream. Give praise to the Lord. He has not let our enemies chew us up. We have escaped like a bird from a hunter's trap. The trap has been broken, and we have escaped. Our help comes from the Lord. He is the Maker of heaven and earth.

which has been a deeply personal selection for our marriage and prayed that like Old House, this place can be a sanctuary and a strengthening place for our relationship.

In the boys room we read:

The integrity of the upright guides them

and talked about integrity and prayed our prayer over the boys- that they would will grow to be men of integrity who know and honor God's word.

In the middle bedroom we read:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

and talked about the foster babies we look forward to having in our family and prayed for them and for us as we minister to them.

And in the hallway- we read:

He will be the firm foundation for their entire lives. He will give them all of the wisdom, knowledge and saving power they will ever need. Respect for the Lord is the key to that treasure

and talked about how just like this concrete is the foundation for our house, God is our foundation for our lives and then we signed and dated the concrete.

The cutest part in signing our names as that I went first and wrote "Mommy" and then my real name under it.  Geo went next and wrote his name in quotes as well "Geo" and then tried to write a description below- he was trying for brother I'm sure but ended up writing bother of ISH.  Priceless for sure.

Random Thought Thursday: The Santa Question

What time is it: 345P

Where am I: on campus waiting for Geo during piano practice

Listening to: Geo play the piano- auto correcting the line he keeps missing in Ode to Joy.

Last ate: Ramen- the dietary staple of my life as I work at New House which does not yet have a refrigerator.

Thoughts:
I was asked point blank yesterday about Santa by my youngest. Strangely we don't talk about Santa around here, or didn't really until Geo came home from first grade educating us all on the wonders that is.

But strangely, I found myself caught. I don't want to tell my child that there is a kind and loving man watching everything that goes on and if we are good this man will reward us... to only later tell him said man isn't really real but oh by the way let me tell you about God...

So I didn't want to say the truth but didn't want to burst his little happy Santa-loving heart.

Instead, I played the "what do you mean by is Santa real" question to see exactly what he was wanting to know. It boiled down to the question of can Santa go back up the chimney, and he seemed satisfied with the idea he came to that Santa must go out the door.

In my defense I never did say he's real- and in fact once said he wasn't- but then the talent of ISH's selective hearing tuned that out (he, of course, gets that talent from his father).

So I'm curious- do you do Santa? Do you tell your kids he's real? Do you go the route of a past friend of mine whose mom put footprints near the fireplace in the name of childhood magic? Do you squelch any Santa talk in the name of full on honesty? Or do you find yourself somewhere in between?

And in my own defense- at least Agatha the Gift Bearing Beagle did actually exist.

Gobble Gobble

What time is it: 838P

Where am I: at back home after an afternoon with family

Listening to: Football game in one room, ELF on in here - love the way Zooey sings

Last ate: Oh good heavens! It's Thanksgiving, I don't know if I want to (or could) even answer that.

Thoughts:  Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for my family- those immediate, and those extended.  Those here now, those gone already, those yet to come.

I'm thankful for my friends- the new ones I've been blessed to meet this year and those who are my steady constants.

I'm thankful for my job.

I'm thankful for the trips I've been able to take this year.

I'm thankful for my boys and for their wonderfully curly hair.

I'm thankful for LK and the marriage that, as we were both discussing late one night, we can't imagine being without.

I'm thankful for the life that I have no idea why I have been blessed to live- but the life I hope I am living to the fullest- giving back and enjoying the ride.

My cup overflows,

Random Thought Thursday: When

I. Am. Tired.

I am ready to be done painting.

I am ready for the house to sell.

I am, however, not ready to have to pack and move.

It seems at these times in life I understand the deist stance. That or the pagan thought of what sacrifice do I need to offer to make this harvest plentiful.

Is 9pm too early for bed?

Why Don't We

Tonight in Q groups Geo was asked to lead the prayer.

"And God, be with the Devil."

Oh dear- I thought, wondering what in the world was coming next.

"Help him to come to know you and make good choices."

Well, that wasn't what I expected.  I'm not sure what I thought was coming next, but that wasn't it.  And yet, it raises some questions for me.

Why don't we pray for the Devil?  I mean if he made the choice to fall, cannot he not eventually choose better?  Or is he just a hopeless cause?  Or if we are commanded to pray for our enemies, isn't such a prayer Biblical?

Random Thought Thursday: Edmond-centric Me

What time is it: 1013A

Where am I: in the living room with the backdoor open, enjoying the cool, crisp, fall weather

Listening to: The clock tick beside the computer reminding me that I still have work to catch up on- still have things waiting to be accomplished today.

Last ate: Oh dear, well, to be honest I think it was cold, leftover, Chick-fil-a nuggets ISH didn't want to eat last night. I'm sure three days from now he will remember them and want them and I will (again) have to admit that I ate them instead. I'm sure this is in some way giving my children a complex we will have to deal with in therapy later on, but then, I mean really, would the chicken still be good when he comes around to remembering it?

Thoughts: I've never considered myself to be Edmond-centric, or Oklahoma-centric, or even USA-centric.

I've traveled enough to know there are other people out there. Other people who do things differently than I do, other people who matter just as much as I do.

And yet, when I was at the Continent Care Connection, I found myself face to face with my own Edmond-centric thoughts.

Maybe it was because the first time I heard "God of This City" it was when my church was preparing for a work down in my city and so the words were clearly being applied to my life here. Or maybe it's because I had never been in another city and heard this song sung.

But on the opening day of our time with the ladies in South American, when they sang God of This City, I realized they weren't singing about Edmond, or Oklahoma. They were singing about the places they lived. They were singing about the work they are doing and the ways they are witnessing God move in their cities. And like that I felt a deep connection with the women there.

We may not all live in the same city- even the 17 women from the Connection Team don't live in the same city let alone the 41 participants. But we all witness the same God move in amazing ways where we are.

So when I came back I knew this song needed to be added to the way I now see not only Brazil, but also the way I see the numerous other places these women came from. Their mission is now deeply within my heart- the same mission I have here in my city- to show others how great the love of God is- how much he wants to be in our lives. To show them that no matter the city, He is God.

CCC Day 6

Another amazing day!  I'm guessing it's because we finally sang "There is Sunshine in my Soul" that begged the sun to come out.  We all flocked outside during the break to soak it in.

Let's just say they weren't too happy with me when it was time to ring the bowl and have them all come inside.  Did I mention I have the job of time guru?  I guess someone filled them in on the secret that my life is run by my phone timer and they thought I would be well suited for the job.  Plus I really like to clang the singing bowl- it makes me feel all Eastern-like :)

In the evening we had a prayer walk on the beach with the women 

and had the most amazing sunset.

In case you're wondering, this is exactly how these women see me

I'm pretty sure they think I don't have a face.

And in the evening the women from Brazil sang a song for us in Portuguese that they sing in church.  When they were done the women who live in Spanish speaking countries shouted out we sing that too!  And then they sang it for us in Spanish.  I think MRCC should learn how to lead this I've always wanted to "ooooyuo!" in church.

Oh- and my friend's babies continue to do well.  If you want to see their faces while you pray for them you can watch this video.  Their mama is the one singing at the end.  Beautiful!

CCC Day 5

Things are going well at the Connection.  This was our first full day with the ladies and it was a day full of connecting with God through worship

and through taking time to process moments of definition in our lives- times when the world has seemed upside down.  But we are working through these moments to see how the hand of God did (or in some cases is) moving to bring us into closer communion with him.

And we also connected with each other through Connection groups and fellowship

and through times of prayer with one another

And it has been amazing to what these women come together and support one another.

I read a blog a while back that talks about how they put on a Brave Girl Camp.  And I think the concept behind what they do is pretty cool.  However, I'd say I'm at my own kind of Brave Girl Camp right now full of women who have left all they know- their families, their friends, their country of origin- all for the love of a Savior.  All because they deeply believe in the message of hope He has to offer and they are willing to give it all up for Him.  I am deeply honored to be here.

__________________________________________________________________

But for all of you who feel this may be getting a little too touchy-feely (I'm at a retreat full of spiritual women, what else do you expect!).  Here are a few shots from around town that I took with one of my teammates, Christy.  We borrowed bikes from the hotel workers (see how fabulous mine is!)

and had fun watching for cars whose drivers have no regard for human life and catching a few pictures here and there.

Oh! And we had the most amazing sunset!

A beautiful gift at the end of a beautiful day.

So close and yet...

I am in Brazil. I am three hours south of Sao Paulo. I have been praying for this time with these women for almost 1 year. I am excited to be here and see the amazing ways God is moving. I feel peace here and know this is where I am suppose to be.

But five hours to the other side of Sao Paulo a friend of mine is sleeping in a Brazilian hospitial with his wife. She delivered twins last night very prematurely. From what I heard this morning the she is doing well and will be doing so much better tomorrow when her parents arrive.

The babies are in NICU (thankfully they are at the best one in their town) and while they are crying and breathing, the first 72 hours are the most vital.

It's hard to be so close (compared to myraids of people in Oklahoma who wish they were as close as I am right now), and yet to be so far away. One of their fellow team members and many other women who love them are here with me feeling the same way -- knowing we are where we need to be, but sending part of our hearts to be with them.

And I've been repeating to myself the lyrics from Mighty to Save. Reminding myself that my God is the Savior who can move the mountains. He is the one who conquered the grave. And he is forever and ever the one who can save.

And I'm struck-- this too is part of mission work. This is part of "leaving your father and mother" for the call of the Lord.

It is truly amazing the sacrific the missionaries make for the cause of Christ. But what I see with my friend and with the stories of many women here, it is equally amazing the sacrifice those they leave behind when the missionaries go make as well.

CCC Day 3

Today was a day of preparation where we finished up some last minute training and readied the hotel for the participants arrival tomorrow.

But lest you think all work and no play, we also took this day as a day of Sabbath rest.  We worshipped while watching the waves pound the beach- praising God for his mighty powers

and watched the fog roll back in

We had some more amazing Brazilian food

And I spent time getting to know some of the team members better

The time with these women has already been such an amazing blessing to my life and is challenging me to dive deeper into God, to discover the joy of spiritual discipline and to enjoy the unique creation he has made me to be-- all this before the participants even arrive!  

I'm looking forward to stepping out of the way to see how God will continue to move as the ladies arrive tomorrow.

CCC Day 1/2

On October 1 the lovely team of women I will be working with for the Continent Care Connection 2010  (put on by Continent of Great Cities) arrived in the DFW airport. They were kind enough to provide me with a boa and a birthday crown and one of my team members made some amazing cookies.

Early in the morning on October 2, we arrive in Sao Paulo, Brazil- aka the massive sea of humanity and the third largest city in the world.

And thanks to the prayers of our prayer warriors, especially Mrs. Debbie B. - who has the specific job of praying for our luggage- all 32 pieces of luggage arrived on time and in tact.

What should have been a 3 hour trip south (despite having told everyone I was going north!) to Maresias was an interesting drive spotted with favelas

and fog

and foreshadowing of the rain that was to come

But don't worry- as much as it looks like Al Roker should be here, I did google tropical storm and Brazil and nothing is showing up, so I think it's just a little spring shower that we hope to be all cleared up before the participants arrive on Monday-- start to praying now (Debbie, that means you too!)

But we are all here- seventeen in all (including the 3rd Becky of the group who lives in Brazil and joined us at the airport).  And we're excited and ready to serve the missionary women who will join us Monday.  To provide for them love and rest and peace.