A moment of honesty before we begin our new relationship

When I look at you doubtful that you will be here long, it's not that you've let me down, but it's more the-woman-before-me complex those before you have given me.

There was the first, the one shortly after I moved to Memphis, the one that left one year into our relationship, suddenly, and with a large cloud of smoke trailing behind.

I was left in shock after that, unsure of where to go from there, until I was introduced to the second-- shiny and flashy and powerful, but that one didn't like my dog or it's hair and left soon after coming.

Then there was the third- the one with the long hose that did the job better than any that had come before it. But something went wrong with that relationship that I cannot explain.  Maybe it was my fault, maybe it wasn't.  But there was just a sense of no longer being interested in working on the relationship with me, and all I was left with was that hose.

And then there was the promised land. I heard others speak about it in hushed and reverent tones using word like "the best" and "without fault." But it was a delicate type and needed more attention than I could give and liked being at the shop for work more than with me. That kind of lack of commitment just couldn't work for me.

And now there's you. They say you'll be committed to working with me no matter what.  They say you'll never lose the spark that is vital to our relationship. I hope they're right. But there's doubt- a five relationships in eights years kind of doubt- that keeps me from fully believing them.

I just thought, like John Cusack in Must Love Dogs, that we'll never have this chance to be more transparent with each other than in this moment, and I thought you should know.

Sincerely hoping you live up to my expectations,

Bundled Up

This week's photo challenge for I Heart Faces is "Bundled Up." I'm glad we're not as bundled up here in Oklahoma but this is one of my favorite theme appropriate pictures.

Click here to see more bundled up pictures.

Taken by,

Mandy Photo Challenge: Happy

This week Mandy's photo challenge come complete with an essay assignment as well-- find a picture (that I've taken) of something that makes me happy and then explain why it makes me happy.

So, I could choose to take a picture of my wonderful Keurig which makes me happy every morning when it brews the wonderful nectar of the god's known as coffee. I don't know that I can even comprehend the word "happy" (or much of anything else) without coffee.

Or I could post a picture of my curly-headed boys. As my friend Anne could tell you, curly-headed boys have been a source of happiness for me for years. What a blessing that God gave me two of them to raise.

Or I could put a picture of some place I've traveled as travel makes me very happy. Every now and then I get the itch to go somewhere and always come back happier once I've been away for a while.

Or I could post a picture of my shaggy dog, who, while she stinks most of the time, loves me as much as any animal could and she makes me happy when she follows me around the house because she likes to be near me. Her company during the day when I'm home without the family makes me happy.

Or maybe a picture of aerial silks or guitar, new talents I'm learning this year, both of which, in their own way, challenge me to get outside of my perfectionism and both bring me happiness through the challenge.

Or I could post a picture of the wrinkles around LK's eyes. I've loved those wrinkles from the first time I saw them. I told him they give him a certain Robert Redford look. They're wonderful (both LK's and Redford's-- but only the younger Redford, the old and weathered and leathery Redford does not make me as happy).

Or maybe a picture of the new muscles I'm getting with Physique 57, going through the workout and getting the endorphins flowing makes me happy and so does having a stronger body that I think I've ever had.

Or I could post a picture of my camera (that would be tricky to do) but maybe some self portrait of me with a camera because capturing life in photography certainly makes me happy.

Or I could post a picture of food cooking or a table full of friends over for dinner. I love the way food brings people together and the wonderful new friends we've made as we've shared a meal together at our kitchen table makes me very happy.

But I didn't post pictures of any of that- mainly because by the rules say we can only post one picture. So the one I chose to post is a picture of my new living room light. With all the other options, this one won because

1. it gives enough light to room (as opposed to the other older light) that real living can take place in the room now.
2. the contractor wouldn't let me hang the light until all the dirty/dusty work was done, so the light being up means we are closer to having the kids and the TV out of our bedroom and back into the living room (and kids not coming in to wake me up early on the blessing that is known as PopTart Day makes me extremely happy).
3. it has great curves of the light that give off such a natural feel.  It's so organic and peaceful that it just emit happiness to me. 
4. I found it myself- it was my choice and it is the centerpiece WOW! factor to the room.

Hope you feel happy now too,

SoCoS: Yellow

This week's SoCoS theme is Yellow.

They were all yellow. I look horrible in yellow. It's a happy color alright, but I look rather ill when wearing it. LK brought home yellow tulips last week. Don't get jealous ladies, but he brings me flowers each week-- and now by declaring this his actions on the internet, I've ensured them to continue, because he would look bad otherwise. Hit a road block. Hit a road block. VW bugs should be yellow. By law. Not taxi cab yellow though. Did I mention the unmarked yellow cab car I saw in the neighborhood yesterday? No markings of a cab but I sure hope someone didn't special order a non-cab car in that color. Can you imagine? I mean, good thing we live in Oklahoma! Ordering a non-cab car in that color elsewhere and all you'd get are people mad because you don't stop.
I once I had a yellow "bumble bee" dress that I wore with black combat boots. I threw it away as a graduation present to Aaron Loney.

Now it's your turn. If you'd like to participate in a little SoCoS action, your topic is "Ice Cream." Guidelines: Write for 3:37 without stopping. If you can't think of what to write, write "hit a road block" over and over again until something comes to mind. When you're done- post a link to your SoCoS writing as a comment to this post.

Looking forward to see what you all have to say.

Happy SoCoS,

Spring. Now.

My friend Frank told me once that in the German army the officers will announce "It is summer now" and whether you agreed or not you were expected to put away your winter clothes and dress for summer.

If you've seen me this week you might have notice the reappearance if open toed shoes, short skirts, short sleeves and the like.

And, you may be in agreement with the woman at Lowes who looked disapprovingly at my outfit yesterday, but I declare: It is spring now.

Sincerely,

Samuel's Mom

This wasn't what I was intending to blog about today. What I was intending to blog about was something all together different. But then I received an email that Samuel's mother had died.

I don't expect you to know Samuel. He just an average boy Geo's age- blond hair and in the first grade. He was in kindergarten with Geo and his mom was sick from the very beginning of school that year.

And I don't expect you to know his mother either.  I didn't really know her that well myself, but she had battled cancer before and was hopeful about the outcome this time round as well.

She was always happy when I saw her- genuinely happy to be at school, taking part in Samuel's day, enjoying the moment of being of a mom. She wore bright pink, and I mean hot pink, bandanas to cover her head and asked me how I fix my hair so she could try out the style when her hair grew back in. Her hair never really grew back in.

LK took dinner to them one night. I made it but, for whatever reason now I can't remember, I couldn't take it to them. He said they were such nice people. And every time I'd see them as I took the boys to gymnastics, they always seemed happy.

But now Samuel is 6 going on 7. And his mom is gone. And his loss has hit me hard- frankly harder than expected in regards to the loss of a casual acquaintance.

And I don't have any great philosophical point to make by posting this.  Maybe this is just an outlet for the question of "why" that death at an early age tends to bring. Maybe this is just a way to be remember the joy she had in the moments of motherhood, knowing her time might not be long with him.  Maybe this is me, trying to remind myself that while I am not in a battle against an illness for my life, my time is not guaranteed.  Maybe this is just a reminder to myself to drink in the moment.

The Unknown Sock

While folding laundry I discovered a sock I had never seen before. A sock completely foreign to my house.

Missing socks are no new mystery. I know that Erma Bombeck had a theory or two of her own about socks. And, well, then that's Arthur episode about the Sock Exchange. And I have often thought my washing machine just simply ate the socks, but I never though that it might not be eating them but more transporting them to someone else's washing machine.

I mean, this opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Maybe the four socks that are continually without a mate, were never really mine to begin with. Maybe they are yours, transported here from your washer to mine.  Maybe our washing machines are portals to other places.  Like a breach in the space time continuum of laundry.

This makes my previous solution for mismatched socks of just throwing them back in the hamper for another round of washing, actually a good idea (despite what LK thinks). It just might be in one of these washing that they end up back in their original home.

So here's the deal, here are the socks most recently mismatched. If they belong to you, please let me know. I'd be happy to try and program the portal and have my washing machine send them back your way.

With much thanks,