Carrie Underwood's Amazing Leg Workout

My guess my friends is that it doesn't involve sitting on the couch searching through Pinterest.

 

Define: Frustration

There are times I want to look them in the face and say REALLY!?!?!  Why do you feel the need to make this so infuriatingly impossible.  It's as though by your little hoops and random non-reasons that you're saying you would like to make this as difficult as it possibly could be and then some.
You'd think you really don't want us to do this for you.  Or maybe the truth is you don't.
And that, my friends, is by definition, frustration.

College and Marriage

LK posting an interesting blog today that reflects on a study that notes how

highly-educated women (at least a 4-year degree) have a lower[ing] divorce rate and much lower incidence of children outside of marriage.

His post also reflects on how the study says that

Surprisingly the moderately-educated, or ‘Middle America’ (some post-secondary education but no degree) are trending worse than the poor [in their divorce rates].

LK postulates on why this could be and comments on how he's glad to be married to a degree-holding college girl (that would be me).  So here's my two cents on it.

To me it's like the conversation I had with a friend who lacked one class to graduate but instead of taking that one class (a gen ed class at that) he was applying for a job and leaving his studies, and he wanted my opinion on how his resume sounded.  I told him that personally, the fact that he lacked one class and could not list a degree on the resume even with all those hours under his belt would raise many a red flag as an employer about his ability to start and complete a task.

So, perhaps completing college is not only evident of someone who can handle delayed gratification, and not only understands that what she does today will have a lasting effect on what can then be accomplished tomorrow, and not only shows someone's ability to work with group projects (a necessity in college as well as marriage), but that it also shows a person who is able to not just start something but see it through to it's intended end.  Perhaps that is why women with a diploma on the wall fair better.

Perhaps.

TSA a follow up thought

I know, I know, I just published something on the TSA all but moments ago.  But then Yahoo News had to go and post and article with the statement:

A year ago, [authorities] prevented a Christmas Day attempt to blow up a flight to Detroit with a bomb hidden in a passenger's clothes.

For the record- the authorities let the one-way-ticket-buying, pay-in-cash, on-a-watch-list, no-luggage-carrying, would-be bomber on board.  The would-be attack could have been prevented not by backscatters and shouldn't-you-buy-me-dinner-first pat downs but by the authorities actually paying attention to the flags raised by the systems already in place. 


And for the record it was not the authorities who stopped the would-be attack.

Abdulmutallab spent about 20 minutes in the bathroom as it approached Detroit, and then covered himself with a blanket after returning to his seat. Other passengers then heard popping noises, smelled a foul odor, and some saw Abdulmutallab’s trouser leg and the wall of the plane on fire. Fellow passenger Jasper Schuringa, a Dutch film director, jumped on Abdulmutallab and subdued him as flight attendants used fire extinguishers to douse the flames.^[118]

Stepping down off my soap box for a little while now,

Thoughts on the TSA

I'll admit, typing that header alone has me wonder if I'll now be flagged for searching when I travel next.  But I, like others, have concerns that I want to process through on the new TSA screenings. And honestly, it's one of those jumbled-thoughts-where-to-start sort of processing so stick with me here.

When LK first told me about these scanners and pat downs I told him the article was wrong.  I live in America, I told him- they won't let those things happen.  There's no way that's legal.  No way that is really happening. But it is.  And that alone has me a bit turned around.

I'm all for profiling those who need to be profiled.  When I worked inside the a brick and mortar agency, I once called the FBI because a family came in wanting to buy their daughter a one-way ticket from Memphis to Tehran on a specific day, specific flights, routing specifically through Amsterdam and wanted to pay cash.  When I gave them an extremely high rate for that day, they didn't want me to look into other options and they didn't want to give me any contact information.  To me, that was enough to raise a flag or two and I reported it.

And I'm all for airport security.  I enjoy traveling and would prefer to not die mid flight, so checking for weapons is okay by me.

What I'm not okay with, like many travelers (though surprisingly not as many as I thought), is the backscatter machines and the amazingly up-close and personal body checks.  So bare with me as I try to explain why.

Backscatter-
Where do these pictures go?  I googled TSA images and was able to find several pics online- though most of them appeared to be given to the media from the TSA.  What I found wasn't as graphic as this website suggested back in January that they would be, but on the two sites I found I was able to copy the picture like the January website said, Crtl + i and was able to, how shall I put this, see more of these people than I wanted to.  With today's information age, how can be sure these pictures will never get out?

Honestly, if you want to backscatter me, fine.  If you want to put my picture up online, fine (after all, it would provide interesting results the next time I google my name), but stick my child in one of those machines and have the possibility that his picture could be out on some website and watch this mama bear roar.

Plus, tell me how you can be so sure some closet pedophile isn't on the other side of that machine.  How can I be sure my child isn't the victim of someone's sick obsession simply because we wanted to board a plane.

Pat Downs-
For the last three years I've worked with women who are the survivors of abuse.  In our group we don't even hug the other person without asking first because you can never know what will set off the other. People of past abuse don't normally like close physical contact and unwanted physical contact can be a trigger for very bad things. Tell me how these experiences aren't asking for a survivor to go into a panic attack just because they wanted to travel.

Tell me how in the name of security things like this are necessary. Tell me how in the name of security I either get to give you an all but naked picture of myself or I have to let you grope me in order to go through security.  And that really?!?!?!?  once I've started the process my only 3rd option is the threat of a huge fine?  How does that work?!  Especially when the TSA website isn't even all updated on which airports have these systems and which don't on the off chance that I wanted to pick the option of driving further to fly from an airport that currently won't subject me to this mess.

So basically what I'm wondering is this- and, if someone can help me understand this I'd be more than happy to oblige with these security measures when needed- how is that in the last nine years security has gotten more and more out of hand and yet their measures have all been a matter a whiplash reaction to what they didn't catch the first go round.  As one report today noted:

Since 9/11, the only two terrorist threats to U.S. airlines were the shoe bomber (December 2001) and the underwear bomber (December 2009). Both of these individuals rang every bell there was to say, “Look, I am a terrorist!” Both of came from foreign airports and passed through security checks that should have stopped them long before they walked onto airliners.

Isn't it worth thinking about for just a minute- just to stop and think before sending out some new and invasive rule- that these people got through security and that

It should be noted that the new full-body scanners would not have singled out either of these two individuals, who checked in for international flights with one-way tickets purchased with cash and no luggage. Furthermore, it was the passengers and flight attendants who stopped these would-be bombers, not the Transportation Security Administration (TSA).

This people all but wore a shirt that said I'M A TERRORIST! And yet the TSA thinks all these new measures is what is going to keep us safer?  Ignoring all the one-way tickets, paid in cash, no luggage, flags and rely on groping them as the fail-proof measure?

This same report pointed out that:

Wouldn’t our skies be safer if we used the security procedures employed by some foreign countries and had layers of well-trained experts, who by asking simple questions can recognize those who appear suspicious? Israel's El Al Airlines, for example, has developed one of the most successful security programs in the world. Its security starts before anyone approaches the airport screening lines and incorporates layers of verification using well-trained security professionals.

And in Israel people don't get felt up just for wanting to get Grandma.

And another thought.  As of November 1 the TSA now requires me, as a travel agent, or you if you book a flight online for yourself, to enter in vast amounts of information.  What is the purpose of that whole mess if they're just going to backscatter me anyway?

To me, there are too many "unanswereds" out there for me to be okay with this.

That's why I agree with what National Opt Out Day is doing.  They're not asking for you to stage a sit in and protest the whole messy thing, or asking you to make a scene.  They're very clear that

There is no intent or desire to delay passengers en route to friends and family over Thanksgiving.  People also need to remember to stay within the confines of the law and the regulations of TSA when exercising their right to a pat down.

But that the reason they want everyone to opt out so that people will be able to

sit around the dinner table, eating turkey, [and talk] about their experience - what constitutes an unreasonable search, how forceful of a pat down will we allow on certain areas of our body, and that of our children, and how much privacy are we will to give up for flying?

But don't let it stop there.  The next step, as they say, is to tell the government about your experience.  On their website they list several places to submit your TSA experience.  But one that don't have listed is the US Travel Association.  Who wants to know people's experiences because they believe by hearing about them, they can address Congress and ask can we do better.

And as I end these can-this-really-be-processing-thoughts the travel agent in me feels the need to tell anyone who will be traveling on Wednesday, opting out or not, please please please arrive earlier than you normally would.  My guess is places with backscatters will be more of a zoo than normal holiday traffic would cause and places without them will still have TSA agents on pretty high alert.

This will, above all, not be a good day to tell them you have a live chicken in your bag- believe you me. But then, that would be another story for another day.

A Champion for Thanksgiving

As I walked into Lowes two weeks before Halloween and saw their Christmas tree display already up, I felt sorry for Thanksgiving.

As my blog reader went from how to decorate for Halloween to to how to decorate for Christmas, I felt sorry for Thanksgiving.

As I drove past a local university and saw the fence around the student housing decorated with "Merry Christmas," I felt sorry for Thanksgiving.

Since when did we go straight for give me candy to give me presents without stopping even for one small month to at least give thanks?

You'll find me weeping silently in the corner for the world of fashion

I know I've been pretty silent this week and even managed to some how miss Random Thought Thursday. I've been up to my eyeballs over at the new house painting so the new carpet can come in.

But that's not what this post is about.  This post is my little vocal protest of WHAT!!!!! Who in the world says this is the future of fashion

I'm sorry, but 1985 called and wants their mom-waist line pants back.  And while you're sending things back, I think I had that color of lipstick in junior high.  It didn't look good then either.

Maybe that's why Geo kept calling the show Project Runaway - because all sense of fashion done run away from Gretchen.

And further more, if You Want Me to Wear What? doesn't do a post discussing her line, I will be even further disappointed.

I'm sure it's that the judges didn't like that Mondo didn't "listen" to them and you know how those high and mighty get when they don't get listened to.  But if she is the "future of fashion," all I have to say is look for me in all sorts of out of fashion clothing.

The beauty of Thy peace

I'm going to start this post with a disclaimer: Warning- it's very possible what follows could be seen as a rant. I don't intend it to be that way, but a warning none-the-less. There, if you get to the bottom of this post and think "Wow! She really ranted there didn't she!" I can point to this disclaimer and say, I told you it was coming.

The other day I came across a blog written by a stay at home mom. I'm going to straight up admit I have not read her blog so I can pass no judgement on it's content. What I do want to discuss though is her blog description:

Confessions on motherhood, from an overachieving, stress junkie stay-at-home mommy with a sweet tooth (and a Martha complex)

She even has a little badge that you can put on your blog if you'd like to identify with her Type A stress junkie approach to life.  And in trying to figure out why the whole thing hit me wrong, I put my finger on the idea so many (even myself at a time) buy into - that stress coupled with overachievement is a good thing- something "badge worthy."

I remember when I was younger and I had my daytimer full of meetings and events and I rushed from one place to the other telling others how little sleep I got the night before as some sort of indication of my value. It was as though I believed that the busier I was, the more important I was. As though to say if you're not stressed, you must not be doing it right. And I hung my hat on my achievements.

Fast forward to the 30-something me -- but please keep in mind that I do not sit here on some lotus pillow in an enlightened state of Zen adulthood. I still get stressed. Just ask LK and he'll tell you about the other night when I was rattling off in a 90 mile an hour fashion all the things I needed to have accomplished before we left town. There are times when stress just happens.  And my daytimer is still full, especially now that kid's activities are added into the mix of my own.

So what's the difference between the type-A stressed out mommy and the approach I'm suggesting?

The difference is balance.  It's peace. The difference is now I recognize the stress and work to remove it rather than glorify it.  The difference is now, while my daytimer is full, it is also balanced.

To me now, the words of "Dear Lord and Father of Mankind" perfectly sums it up:

Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
till all [my] strivings cease;
take from [my] soul the strain and stress,
and let [my] ordered [life] confess
the beauty of Thy peace.

Back in the jam-packed-daytimer-crazy-stress days I hated the word "still."  The song "Be still and know that I am God" made me shutter.  To me I had the whole lack-of-motion-mediation thought going on when I heard the word "still" and I hated it because, let's face it- I'm an active person.  Someone once asked how I fit everything into my day- my response was that I don't sit still very easily.  So the thought that still could be anything but annoying didn't register.

I still don't like the word all that much but I can understand it better.  The way I see it now is that "still" does not mean I can't move- because even when I'm sitting still some part of my body if still fidgeting.  But instead, I try view it as an acronym.

                                                          Show

                                                          That

                                                          I

                                                          Love the

                                                          Lord

Because, if I love Him, I'm going to trust him.  I'm going to let him order my life and my priorities. I'm going to see that hanging my hat on my achievements, that living life to the point of becoming a "stress junkie" doesn't show the world where my values lie.  But if I live a STILL life, then my actions will show what matters most.

So today I'm adding a badge to the side of my blog. A badge to remind me that it is the beauty of a God ordered life, a life that comes from living with a STILL state of mind.  The life that I want to strive for, not the life of a stressed-junkie, overachieving mommy. So if you identify as being someone that has this state of mind, or identify as someone who wants to have it, please feel free to take the badge and put it on your blog as a reminder to yourself that stress and overachievement is not the mark of a successful woman, but having a STILL life is.

One Drop

At the beginning of Wishing Well's documentary on the water crisis in Rwanda, the narrator says that people may view their lives as one drop- as something insignificant- but that like rain when one drop follows another amazing things can happen.

For some, April 30 was just one drop, one day in the line of many other insignificant days, but for Geo, this was the day that he discovered something larger than himself.

On April 30, Geo and ISH were able to attend a reception for His Excellency Paul Kigame and Mrs. Kigame on the campus of Oklahoma Christian University. And later that night they  attended a dinner where His Excellency talked about all the good that Rwanda has to offer and where Wishing Well was given a platform to talk about how clean water is necessary if Rwanda is going to continue to develop. Both boys came home from that evening in shock.

"Mommy, they don't have clean water in Rwandan!" they told me in disbelief.

"Well what should be do about that?" I asked.

"We should give money so they can dig wells." Geo told me

"And when I'm bigger, I'll go and help them dig." ISH added.

My heart melted. But that was only the beginning.

The next week Geo was chosen to be the "Star Student" for his class and was given the job of decorating a poster board with information about himself. One of the pictures he wanted to use was the picture of him with His Excellency and Mrs. Kagame.

"And I can have a bag to show my friends where to put their money, so they can help give water too." Geo said putting a few pennies in the bag so his friends could have an visual aid.

Floored!

My six year old was choosing to use his "about me" project as a platform to help others. (Please note it was also special hat day on the day he took the poster board to school. Hats from Venice are not part of his regular school attire.)

He was so excited when he came home from school on Monday telling me how kids said they were going to bring money. What was even more exciting was that they did!

Geo raised 6.31 (including the few pennies he'd thrown in to start the ball rolling) and then he and ISH gave an additional 2.65 of their own allowance matched "dollar-for-dollar" by me and LK to start early teaching them the value of matching gifts.

And today Geo made the trip to the OC Campus to donate his 11.61 to the Wishing Well's cause.

I'm so proud of Geo, and hope this is the beginning of him seeing creative ways to help others. One drop in the many of his life, I pray.

... though it should be said that the best part of the interaction with Ryan Groves, head of Wishing Well, was when after talking about the wells, looking at a few pictures of watching the video that won the Million Miles contest, Geo turned to Ryan and said "My car smells like sugar." He was right. It did.

Parenthood

I wrote this post before I left on my trip.  I haven't even watched TV since I've been home really, so I don't even know if this show is still on.  But either way, I believe the principle to still be true, so let me sturdy my soapbox before getting on it ... and, go:

A friend of mine asked me if I like the Parenthood TV show. I told him I'd seen it- which he informed was not actually answering the question.

So, do I like it? Well, it's not the overt pot references that hang me up with answering the question. I mean I've seen the Big Chill so I know what parents do when left to their own devices. While I like the show on one level, one of the problems I have with it is the pirate kid- and not so much him but a problem with his parents.

Now please keep in mind this little soap-box editorial comes from a women who lets her boys wear boots year-round (and who wore them year-round herself), from a woman who let's her 6 almost 7 year-old wear his clothes backwards even on school days (okaying with him first that he 1- knows they are backwards and 2- is okay with it). So maybe my view of the pirate issue in Parenthood is a little skewed.

In case you haven't seen the show there is a family that a son in early elementary school who likes bugs not baseball and would rather (at least in the first two episodes I saw) wear a pirate outfit than anything else. And his parents have a problem with it. Or at least they have a problem with it until the child is diagnosed with high functioning Asperges.  At the end of the second episode the parents go to a specialist who confirms the child does have asperges and then the parents ask now what.

The specialist answers that now they need to "meet Max where he is and then when he's ready, walk him into the world." And only then, in the last scene does the father come to the backyard in his own pirate garb and joins in the play with his son.

And it's not that I have a problem with the dad joining in- it's more that I have a problem that it's only when there's something "wrong" with his son does deciding the pirate world can stay even cross the parents' mind.

It reminded me of a story my FIL has told about a mom wanting to connect with her son but continued to refuse to meet him "where he was" and watch the children's main interest at the time: professional wrestling.

I'm not sure if that's the point the writers were trying to make with this little subplot or not, but it was a good reminder to me that perhaps the advice to "meet our children where they are" is not just true for parents of children with Asperges.

Thanks for the advice

Thank you to everyone who commented on my post Monday about Geo's school situation - or more my situation with something at his school.

One of my friends on facebook also commented something that was helpful.  She said:

As an "old" counselor and teacher, i can understand in some ways why she doesn't want you in the classroom. It could be more disruptive then productive for everyone.

 I completely agree- it was a threat I was hopping I wouldn't have to follow through with.  And when my bluff was called-  I had to at least look like I was willing to do it.  Lesson learned on that mom!  Don't threaten what you don't know you can do.  Good point.


My friend went on to say:

I wouldn't take it personal though. I have a real problem with her system. It is just too vague. If the class really is very social, then no one may getting consistent :)! Also it is now spring and with all the spring activities there won't be a lot of major learning. I think Geo will develop the tools that he needs. He has fantastic parents that will certainly see to that! I'm very pleased that he is respectful...I'd be extremely worried if that was a problem. Nurture his love of learning and school...and count the days until summer;)

And I was so thankful for her reminder that Geo has constantly done well in respect.  But I couldn't remember the last time I told him I was proud of him for that.  So after reading my friend's response I sat down and told him how cool that was and what a neat kid he is.

Then I spent the next 24 hours trying to decide what I was going to do.  The consensus of the comments asked what the face :), :|, and :( meant.  And I had to admit, I didn't know.  Maybe that was covered at parent's night, maybe it wasn't.  I couldn't remember.  So what I tried to decide was do I say something about it, asking her to please explain her system to me?  Or do I let it go?  I don't want to be labeled as a trouble making parent in his first year of all day classes at the school.  I don't want the second grade teachers not wanting him in the room because they don't want to deal with me.  But at the same time, I wanted to address the issue.

LK said let it go.

But I finally decided that to carry this question around and look down on her system without giving her a chance to explain it was not right.  So I wrote her an email trying to keep all tones are sarcasm and possible disrespect out of my wording.  (This is hard to do in email since tone is not easily conveyed through written word- and yes I know there is and invention that allows me to easily convey tone called the telephone. But who uses the phone anymore?).

I wrote:

Mrs. W

I hope you're doing well today.  I was wondering if you could help clarify something for me. The system you use for reporting the student's behavior, I realized I've been viewing the :| as being an unsatisfactory remark that communicates that not only does the student need improvement but that his behavior is closer to inappropriate than to acceptable. But I'm wondering if perhaps you're trying to say something else through that mark. I know we're fairly close to end of the year but perhaps clarifying this could help me better understand your expectations for Geo.

Thank you for your time

Later that day Mrs. W called me and I appreciate her taking the time do so. From what I gathered from the phone call, if her system were to be compared to a 1 to 10 chart with 1 being the best and 10 being the worst (LK thinks it should be reversed because 10 is always the best) than the :) would be around a 1 or 2- the student showed that he tried his hardest that week at achieving the goal in that area.  A :( face would be around a 9 or 10, indicating the behavior in that area is completely unacceptable and needs to be changed ASAP.  And the :| represents 3-8, everything in between, and is meant to tell the student that she knows he can do better.

I still think the system is screwy.  I would completely treat a known 3 different than a 5 or a 7.  But with the :| I have to guess if it's a 3, 5, 7 or 8.  I tried to explain that I felt like I've come across as a rather strict parent, which I do not think I am, but it's just I would rather address the issue when it's a 3 than to wait until we have a 7 on our hands have to go back and say- you know all that behavior you've done for the past ___ months, now it's not right.  I'd rather address the 3 and encourage it to be a 2, you know?  I don't know if she understood that or not.

And in the conversation I tried not to take offense when she, well, spoke to me like I was six (which I felt like I was six at that moment-- who let this child have a baby to raise!)  But that was me, allowing myself to feel that way, internalizing her tone of voice as condescending, when really she was just likely going into teacher mode and in teacher mode, she talks like she's explaining something to a six year old, because that's what she teaches.  I have to try and remember that when I explain things to people I tend to go into business mode- lower my voice and speak very matter-of-factly, and that there are times that comes across to others differently than I intended it to.

And I tried not to respond curtly when she gave me suggestions of how I can help Geo understand how to wait his turn in talking.  What she doesn't know is that I took to heart the advice my MIL gave me when Geo was born: what is cute at two is not cute at twenty.  Raise him like he will one day be 20.  She doesn't know that we already do that.  And she was just trying to help.

Ultimately I think the issue comes from one of two things- I am a backdoor thinker.  I might come to the same conclusion as everyone else, but I need to find my own way to the answer- I don't really "get" it otherwise.  So it could be that her system just doesn't fit into my way of thinking and I haven't fully come to a place where I can get it.  Maybe I won't ever.

Or the issue comes from the fact that Mrs. W and I communicate differently. I'm fairly certain we have the same expectations (or at least I'm telling myself we do) but we have different ways of expressing those expectations.  I think in kindergarten Ms. S and I communicated in a similar fashion so I could understand her better.  With Mrs. W I almost feel like I'm speaking German and she's coming back in French- it's not even the same language family.

But one thing I could tell from her phone call, and this is what matters most, I could tell that she loves Geo. I could tell she thinks he's just about as wonderful as I do.  And I could tell she wants the best for him.  And if Geo can sit in her class and feel that love and acceptance she has for him, and if he can thrive in whatever system of conveying expectations she has developed-- then I can need to step aside from my need to understand her system and encourage him in the same ways I have been.  And yes, sometimes that means taking away the Wii.

Thanks again for all the advice.

Calling all teachers: advice needed

The background:
Geo loved kindergarten.  Ms. S is an amazingly strict teacher but then he functions well with hard boundaries around him (bless his heart, takes so much after his father).  With Ms. S I knew what she expected of him and me- strong adherence to the rules and consequences when said rules were broken (let's just say that she didn't appreciate me calling mother's by their first names instead of Mrs. _____ and she didn't agree when I showed up at school to help one day in my against-the-dress-code ripped jeans.  After those times I realized her rules for the kids, they applied to me too).  She is also a loving teacher - please don't picture her as some nun with a ruler waiting to pop a kid who does wrong.  She just communicated what she expected and expected what she communicated to be carried out.

Change scenes, new set.  First grade.

Geo likes first grade too.  There are certain growing pains that come from moving from 1/2 days school with play centers to all day school with only recess.  But he likes it and has adjusted fairly well.  The child prayed for the snow to go away so he could go back to school back when we had the blizzard- what kid does that?  And he loves math (again, like his father).  So I don't think the issue in discussion today is so much his issues with this year's teacher, Mrs. W, but more mine.

Each week Mrs. W sends home a red notebook with :) or :| or :( in circles representing how she feels the child did that week in respecting the rules of the teacher and others, listening while the teacher is talking, working quietly and staying on task, and having self control in actions and with talking.  The first week of school way back in the fall semester Geo received several :| faces.  So to show him that we believe good performance and following the rules are important, when LK took Geo to school the following Monday he explained that we had promised a Wii family night but we've told Geo that the Wii night only happens when our jobs (which for him is school, well that and cleaning the counter in the bathroom, but mainly school) are done well.  A sort of "no bonuses for employees who don't perform" motto- I mean we're not operating like Wall Street here with cut throat measures for "bonuses" we just want the job (obeying the expectations at school) followed.  And we want to teach him young that there are consequences to every choice he makes.

The result of that conversation: Mrs. W looked at LK in a way that seemed to say "why are you here talking to me about this" and said that she normally does not send home daily behavior comments, but would let us know this time if he was quieter.

Skip ahead to November/December- multiple weeks of :| on everything but respect and in trying to get my point across I tell Geo that if he can't get this under control himself it seems he is telling me he needs me to come to school and help him remember that he is there to learn.  My thinking on this - well I didn't really think because going to school with him really throws a kink in my schedule (and yes, in hindsight I should have checked about this with Mrs. W first, but I was trying to make a point while the :| remarks were still on his mind), but my thinking was that I wanted to get the point across to him now, while he's young and cares what I think, that we go to school to learn.  And that most people cannot learn when there is chatter going on.  To teach him that Mrs. W cannot do her job of teaching when she's having to help him control his mouth (which is not her job), so I'll take over that job for a day and let her do hers.  I hoped the threat of this would be enough, the next week it wasn't.

So, I sent her this email:

Mrs W

Geo showed me the :| face in his folder.  Geo and I have discussed that when you have to take time for his talking out of turn, it keeps you from being able to spend time helping other kids learn. So, I have told him from his continued talking it looks like I might need to spend a day in school with him so that we can work on his talking and you can be free to teach.  

I've told him I am checking with you to see if this will be productive for you. I am free on Tuesday if it is. If it is not, we have discussed alternative reminders- such as talking fines, in which we would dock his allowance for each :| he receives. So if me coming to school doesn't work, could you send a daily :) or :| next week?

His respecting you and the rules of your classroom to promote an atomsphere of learning that is mutually benificial to all is very important to us. So any other suggestions to help with this situation is appreciated. 

Her response:

Thank you for your support.  I don't feel you need to come to school to "shadow" him because it is not at that point.  Geo and I talked about your note and he agreed he did not feel you needed to come to school.  He is just having a hard time with self control in raising his hand before talking and not visiting during work time.  This is a very talkative class and I'm sure it is hard when others are also talking.  He is trying very hard and I will continue to give him reminders.  This week is one of the most difficult ones because they are so excited and very hyper.  He is a very smart boy and has a lot to offer!  Again, thank you for your support.

Is it just me or did I get yet another response "I don't think we're at that point yet, why are you bothering me" response?  At this point I was, and continue to be, completely puzzled with what the point of the behavior remarks are.  What she comments in the red notebook seem vastly different to me than what she described in her email response.

When school started back up in January, yet again :| in everything but respect.  Feeling like these faces apparently mean very little to Mrs. W and her desire to have me do anything about them that involved her (I'm sorry, I guess erroneously believed we were in this journey of educating and showing the proper ways to behave in a society together), so we took the Wii away until the next week's report.  And that seemed to help.  He knew that to have Wii time he needed a good report.  And those good reports lasted until March 12.

March 12 the :| started again, and again this week (the week in between being Spring Break).  This time it was a whole line of them (except in respect) with the added note:

I know a lot of his talking is because of his neighbor, however I need Geo to stay focused instead of talking with this person.

My question- and the reason for writing this hugely long history of Geo's behavior is that I'm at a loss.  What I want to ask her (and yes, I'm fighting back the sarcasm wrapped up in this), I want to ask "oh, so are we at that point now?  Is this the point where you expect me to care and do something, or are we still in the just sign the thing and send it back phase?"

Since me being involved in the process with her has seemed to annoy her more than help her- I'd like advice from any teachers out there, or parents who've dealt with teachers- what to do now.  Yes, the Wii will be removed next week if the faces aren't happy.  Geo understands that.  But I feel, at the same time, that I'm punishing him for something that doesn't seem to be addressed by her during the week.  From the response I'm getting it seems more like a hands-off-rate-them-at-the-end-of-the-week approach than actually working with them to find solutions for how to improve behavior.  Geo and I have talked about possible ways at home, but I feel like I then send him into the "zone" where there's no help from her.  And I feel that trying to talk with her about this is seen as so much more of an annoyance than a help.

I want to raise a child that understands the rules and respects them.  A child that has the tools to control himself and knows why he does what he does and knows why he doesn't do what he shouldn't.  Am I shooting for the moon?  Maybe.  Am I being a "helicopter parent" I don't think so.  I don't take him his lunch if he forgets it, I don't do his homework for him, and I don't make excuses for him (all things I associate with overbearing-uber-protective-hovering-parents).  I don't believe my expectation that he has the ability to learn from these situations and with Mrs. W's help at school and my united front at home, learn how to be the person I want to raise is a completely crazy idea.

So here's my SOS-- where to go from here?  Because right now, my plan of action is to make a calendar, count down the days until summer, and start praying now for a 2nd grade teacher who gets me.

Advice much appreciated,

Why I am sad

Because LK got to the census form before me and thus we will be counted as "white."  And why does being counted as white, which I am, make me sad?  Because I have long held that I would rather be counted as a "Tellurian" than white.  Guess that will have to wait for 2020.

If you haven't mailed yours back, feel free to join the tellurian movement.

Define: Empowering

A few weeks ago, through chasing links from one blog to another, I found a site called The Secret's in the Sauce and while the name alone is enough to cause some interest- the site is even more so (you'll notice their pink and leopard print badge on the left side of my blog). The premises of SITS is that they

are a group of women bloggers dedicated to supporting one another by leaving comments. Lots and lots of comments.

How cool! A site that helps women bloggers connect to other women bloggers and give them some love through comments. I know I love it when someone comments on my blog, so their idea really resonated with me. And through their Saturday Sharefest I've been able to meet women from, literally, all over the world.

Throughout the week they also feature blogs that they find interesting and encourage their followers to go to the featured blogs, get to know the women, and (of course) leave a comment or two. And since subscribding to their feed I've found most of their featured blogs to be a pretty interesting read. But today! Today's features got my attention: Sites dedicated to empowering women.

Excellent! I love empowering women: giving them strength and hope, and encouragement.  And you better believe I am all about following links to sites that have that as their main purpose.

However, I cannot tell you the amount of blood-boiling disgust I had for their "empowering" choices when I clicked on one of the links and found this:

So can someone, anyone! please, please explain to me how this site featuring stories on the anorexic "icons" Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, or Tiger going back to rehab, or Kelly Ripa's tattoo in ANY WAY empowers women?

Because (and I think Webster would agree with Wikipedia here) those do not

increase the spiritual, political, social or economic strength of individuals and communities.

So to SITS: If you want to link to those blogs- great. No problem. I read People Magazine while waiting to check out in the grocery store and click on a link or two when I have the time to see what some celeb has done to royal screw up their life, and I'm a HUGE fan of Kelly's arms- but I don't go to those media outlets because they are empowering. I go to them because they are celebrity gossip.

And to the reader: If you're really looking for ways to empower women, check out these sites or leave a comment and post your own.

1. Kiva: donate money to a woman in Peru, Africa, anywhere.  Use microfunding to help her have the opportunity to achieve her dream
2. Join Rhiannon's Beautiful State of Mind Project and spread the word that beauty so much more than emaciated women in expensive clothing.

Sending SITS a dictionary,