Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Thoughts for Geo, for a later time when I hope he will understand

I've always said ISH would be the one I clash with most.  He's so very much like me that I have just known from the beginning that our back door thinking would likely make it hard (and I know, give it time, there are years that lie ahead for us to clash).  But I guess thinking that it would be him is what has made the past few days with Geo so hard.

For the past few days it's like we just flat are speaking different languages.  Maybe it's that in some ways he's so much like LK (the same ways that took me a long time to understand how to see correctly within LK) that it's hard for me to understand him.

LK gets him.  I just seem to frustrate him.

Maybe it's that we're reaching this point of him growing older and pushing away from me a bit more.  Maybe I just feel that way because I'm working on him becoming more self-sufficient in the whole getting ready for school arena and I'm feeling that distance.  Maybe this is, like I tell others to notice in their own lives, a cycle that will come and go- a wave to ride through.

But tonight, as we spent three times the afternoon speaking with words that only confused the other, I just want to crawl beside him and whisper over my restful sleeping child what a great kid I think he is.  To tell him that I don't want him to settle for what's easy but to reach and stretch in areas that are difficult so he can learn how to do new things- and that sometimes it's hard for me to understand why stretching into newness is hard for him.  To tell him that it's okay to try and not be right so long as he tries his best.  To tell him to enjoy the process and not be caught up in the perfection.  To tell him that I want him to live life and each new experience as a grand adventure.  And to tell him that like with LK, we will, eventually, learn how to talk in ways the other will understand.


Gena said...

This was a beautiful post. I have read it about three times now, every time tearing a little. You're a wonderful Mom.

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